So much to do. So little time.

Dear Mr. President,

How are you? I am fine. Your desk is a busy and important place so I submit this modest proposal in hope that you will find it worthy of attention and action. The slow erosion of the American way of life is a crisis even though more dramatic events get lots of immediate attention. This progressive and growing degradation has reached a critical stage requiring your action at the highest level. I can only do so much and your partnership in this restorative effort will be happily accepted.

Of course I am speaking of the decline in spelling proficiency. Even though a few bright youngsters can spell “onomatopoeia” and the “spell check” program provides automated assistance on computers, the general level of proper spelling has reached unacceptable levels. This is not just about “humus” versus “hummus”. This defines the limits of understanding and is essential to clear communication at every level. Imagine your generals attempting to implement their national security mission under the impression that spelling is not important. Bombs may fall in the wrong place! At the wrong time! On the wrong people! Transposing letters can be just as egregious as transposing numbers, for heavens sake! This is an urgent matter, and I don't wish to shout, but it requires Executive action. Never mind the Congress.

It seems to me it is time to create a new cabinet position. The Secretary of Orthography would be responsible for the enforcement and implementation of good spelling. We need an enforceable code to encourage achievers and to discourage backsliders. If ever there were a need for government to do what people on their own cannot, then this is it. Tax incentives are one reward, as are window or bumper stickers officially proclaiming proficiency. A check written for “six hunnit and fiddy” dollars ought not to be honored by any FDIC bank. Public signs with poor spelling ought to be recognized by federal labels of disapproval.

The Secretary of Orthography may also want to institute a Bureau of Syntax for similar purposes in order to stem this tidal wave of down-dumbing, but that is looking ahead perhaps too far. And don't get me started on table manners!

Kisses all around, Celeste B.